My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize