Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
