dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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