Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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