I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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