No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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