I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
