Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
