Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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