WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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