What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
