Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
