The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
