Your dad touched me again.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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