you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
