; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
