the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I believe in your delicious
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
