She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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