I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
