I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
