This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
