At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
