My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize