I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
