Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
