This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Randomize
