My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Blood and glitter go together right?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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