ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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