i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
