my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize