To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize