So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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