Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
