Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
