I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
