the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
