It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
