we're chasing vodka with high fives
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
