I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize