i just wanna soil my oats bro
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
operation have a gay friend backfired
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
