All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
