The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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