sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
