I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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