didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
