I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
