its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
