She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
