I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
