There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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