textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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