HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
