so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
