hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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