did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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