Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
