How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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