she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
