I like to think it a success when the cops are called
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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