her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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