I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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