He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
