You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
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I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
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You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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