saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
