worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
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