our cab driver is having phone sex.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
