i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
this is an emotional support booty call
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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