I feel great
I just peed on a car
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
