just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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