she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
