sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
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At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
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I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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