i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
