She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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