The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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