i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
