what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
