The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
