ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
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I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
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I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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