You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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