Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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